What it Means to be Loved
by iwantobemorethanwhoiam
Summary: "I was going over your ultrasound from a few days ago and I would like you to come in for a couple tests."


**A/N: Based on What it Means to be Loved by Mark Shultz. This is an idea I've have floating around for a while. Super angsty and heartbreaking but give it a chance. If this get's good reviews, I might add more to it. Not like a continuous story but more of one shots added to this using different lines of the song.**

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After Kate was done with the echocardiogram, Castle guided Beckett with a hand at the small of her back toward two chairs by the window to wait for her name to be called to talk to the doctor. They wait in silence, it's one of the few moments that Castle can't think of a way to make this easier for her, for them.

Kate rests a hand on her 5 month old baby bump, remembering the phone call she got the other day.

_Desk duty has been absolute torture, not being able to go in the field, see the crime scenes, find the suspects and interrogate them. But she would do anything for the life growing inside her. She was at her desk, going over surveillance footage when her cell phone rang. "Beckett."_

"_May I speak with Katherine Castle please?"_

"_Yes, this is she."_

"_This is Dr. Laurence."_

_Recognizing her OB/GYN's voice, she started getting a little worried. "Yes."_

"_I was going over your ultrasound from a few days ago and I would like you to come in for a couple tests."_

_Hearing the tone in her doctor's voice, her heart broke, jumping to the conclusion that something had to be wrong with their baby. She put a hand on her stomach, giving all her love to that little being. "What kinds of tests?"_

"_Mrs. Castle, I don't want to worry you yet but __I noticed something a little off and I want to be sure everything is okay with your baby. We'll want to set up an appointment for an echocardiogram…" Kate was going through all the worst case scenarios in her head, completely distracted from what the doctor was saying. There could be something wrong with her baby._

"Katherine?" Upon hearing her name, Kate was pulled from her thoughts.

Castle grabbed her hand and they followed the nurse back to Dr. Laurence's office. She invited them to sit down and they did, Kate not letting go of Castle's hand.

"So in your ultrasound, I noticed a few abnormalities in your baby's heart which is why I wanted to run the echocardiogram, just to make sure I was right." Caskett remained silent, Kate started squeezing his hand harder, trying to prepare herself for whatever was wrong with their child. "She has what we call Tetralogy of Fallot, it's a rare congenital heart defect that's made up of 4 separate heart defects."

Kate let out what almost sounded like a gasp as tears pooled in her eyes. Castle, looking over at her, squeezed her hand a little harder, trying to do something to make this a little better. He looked back at the doctor. "So what's, what is it? How is it treated or…?"

She turned her computer toward Caskett where she had the pictures from the echocardiogram, pointing to various parts of the heart, "Here you can see these two black, they look like shadows, those are holes in her heart called ventricular septal defect. It's very treatable on its own but…" she pulled up a picture of a normal heart compared to their daughter's. "You can see the pulmonary valve is narrowed and aortic valve is enlarged. This muscle right here is enlarged as well so it makes it hard for the blood to flow normally."

Kate felt like she was just hit with a huge load of information but she couldn't really comprehend any of it. All she could think about was that there was something very wrong with her baby. She made herself switch into Detective Beckett mode, figuring out how to move forward, how to help their baby. "So what's the plan? Where do we go from here?"

Dr. Laurence turned her computer back to its original position, then leaned forward on the desk, folding her hands together. "I could sugar coat it for you, I could say everything will be fine, but I won't. I've seen three, maybe four cases of this in my 30 years as an OB/GYN and this is the worst I've seen or heard of. There's surgery we can do as soon as she's born, but with a heart like this, I can't promise you she'll make it through it. I also can't promise you she'll live longer than a year or two."

By this point, both Kate and Castle had silent tears making their way down their faces, Kate unable to speak. "Is there anything we can do now?"

"Not to save her."

Kate snapped out of the gaze she was is upon hearing that. "What is that supposed to mean?"

The doctor took a deep breath, trying to come up with a way to bring it up gently. "With other birth defects, some more severe, some less, people decide to terminate then try again."

Kate and Castle both gave her a judgmental look. "No! I feel her kick. We can hear her heartbeat. You said she can hear us."

"It's not for everyone but-"

"She said no!"

"We are going to be her parents for as long as we can, if that's 2 months, 2 years, or until she's 62. We are not going to terminate!"

"Well then let's go over the plan for when she's born."

After they were done going over what surgeries their baby girl was going to have within the first week of her life, Castle and Beckett made their way home, Kate barely speaking, just keeping her hand on their baby hoping their little girl would be the one to beat the odds.

Castle unlocked the door to the loft, holding the door open for Kate. "I'm gonna go take a shower." He hung the keys on the hook as she made her way to their bedroom.

And hour later, the shower had been off for a good 30 minutes but Kate had still yet to emerge from their bedroom. He walked through his office to see what was going on and found her lying in bed away from the door, knees pulled up as far as they would go, her arms wrapped around her baby bump like her life depended on it, sobbing. Seeing her like that broke his heart. He made his way toward the bed, shuffling his feet a little louder so he wouldn't surprise her. He laid down behind her, bringing his arms around to hers. Her sobs became harder and louder, which caused him to hurt, not only for himself, but more for her, for their unborn child, his tears stared falling, landing in her hair. After holding her like that for a while, her sobs became softer and she turned toward him. "We can't let her die."

He shook his head and brushed some hair out of her face. "No. We tried so hard for her and we are going to love her and make her know what it means to be loved."


End file.
